On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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