I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
