And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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