I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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