Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
