Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
actually, I'm a sock model
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
