the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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