I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize