I am puke
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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