If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
