Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
