i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
