Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
