Only a mothe r could love this liver
my shit smells like andre
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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