Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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