Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
