I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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