I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
