Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
