Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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