I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
