It was confusing and full of hummus
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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