He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
