sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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