My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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