Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
