Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
