so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
