I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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