you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
