Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
