I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
