Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
