That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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