Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
