I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
My vagina just recognized that song.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
