How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
