Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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