spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
