you turned your livingroom into a bong?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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