When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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