We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Randomize
