I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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