then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
