I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's shark week go big or go home
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
