She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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