Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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