it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
