i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
