Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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